My Top Five Dream Jobs (and why I can't have them.)

Just in the past seven days, I have missed a rare East Coast earthquake and slept through a rare East Coast hurricane.

What does this tell me? Maybe that I'm incredibly unobservant. Or that maybe a career in breaking news and journalism isn't for me.

Since the duration of my days has recently consisted of pouring over job opportunities on the interwebs, jobs and careers have been on the forefront of my mind. Sometimes I find a prospect that I think would be perfect. Sometimes I find things that I'm overqualified for but apply for anyway. Some days I think I need to have a dream job that I love, and other days I think, well, even if my job isn't great I can always have hobbies. Which I really don't think is the best attitude to have.

The real question is, what career is for me? I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to manage a restaurant, work behind a front desk at a hotel, or plan conventions--i.e. everything my major taught me how to do. Don't get me wrong--most of the time, I really enjoyed that stuff. I know my situation after college (getting married and moving somewhere because my husband found a job there) wasn't the same as many recent college graduates, and call me crazy, but I want a job with a schedule where I can get up in the morning, put in a solid day, and come home at night and spend time with Ian. And not have to work on Christmas. Oh, hospitality.

So in between endless job applying, after some brainstorming I have decided on a couple dream careers for me.
1. Recipe Tester
"Imagine being able to earn a living by cooking in your own kitchen? If you have a passion for food, an obsession for accuracy and a curiosity about the way things work, professional recipe testing might be a career for you."

Only problem with this--a degree in food science or nutrition is required. I don't want to know the science of the food, for pete sake--can't I just cook it and give it a "yay" or "nay"? And then blog about it, maybe?

2. Cereal Tester
"[Pabros] takes a single square of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and places it carefully on one of the molars on the right side of her mouth and bites down carefully, feeling the piece crunch and savoring the cinnamon goodness."

Again, a career like this requires an actual knowledge of food science and properties and rubbish like that. (Hah, rubbish. Thought I'd throw that word in there) In my humble opinion, I think it would be beneficial to have a lowly regular non-science-y person test products like this, because what little kid is going to crunch on their Cocoa Krispies and analyze the texture and composition? Yeah. I'll be sure to bring that to the interview.

3. Wedding Consultant
"Have you ever thrown a party? Do you remember all the little things that went into just making your house presentable, the food acceptable, and the liquor adequate? Well, multiply all of these things by 1,000 and you have an idea of what wedding consultants deal with: It is a high-stress profession."

 Stipulations: No bridezillas, must have vintage styles and tastes almost exact to the consultant, must be interested in hearing about every detail of my own wedding in the process, and dance lessons with Matthew McConaughey are required.

4. Greeting Card Writer
Here were the very helpful tips I found on how to be a Greeting Card Writer from education-portal.com:

1) Get an education. 2) Consider an internship. 3) Consider Freelancing. 4) Get a job.

Well gee. If it were as easy as that, maybe I wouldn't be making this list.

I could always revive my Etsy business.

5. Luxury Bed Tester
"Roisin Madigan, 22, is earning £1,000 to sleep in designer beds every day for a month. The student is helping with a "sleep survey" carried out by luxury bed specialists Simon Horn Ltd. The company sells luxury Savoir Beds, originally made for the Savoy Hotel. General manager Craig Roylance said Roisin will not only provide an objective view of the beds on sale, but will also be part of a look into what brings a good night's sleep."

Since my experience in San Antonio over Spring Break last year, I haven't been able to stop raving about the Westin Heavenly Bed I got to sleep in for a week. It's kind of pathetic--when Ian and I did our Bed Bath & Beyond registry, I picked out our Egyptian Cotton White Damask Bedsheets because they reminded me of a Heavenly Bed. I was thrilled to receive a queen-sized pillow top for our mattress from Aunt Joan. Every morning is a struggle to get out of bed, not because I'm depressed over the current job market, but because our bed is just so damn comfortable. My experience with luxury beds clearly makes me the best candidate.

In conclusion, I'll just keep searching indeed.com.

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